All during the night I kept waking up wanting to use the bathroom. I wanted my urine to be as concentrated as possible so I waited as long as I could and made it to 6:45 before I could wait no more. My husband was still sleeping as a crept out of bed and into the bathroom. I had my dixie cup and test kit lined up there, ready to go. I prayed… and then I peed. In and out went the strip, and then the wait began. Ten minutes have never felt so long. I left the strip in the bathroom and went into my closet and pretend to straighten things up so that I would not stare at the drying strip while I waited. This last about 8 minutes before I gave in and went back into the bathroom. There it was, light, but there, a pink line. A pink line! As the next two minutes went by, it got a little darker!
I can’t even begin to describe the emotions that hit me at that moment. I just remember kneeling down and thanking God. Crying and laughing at the same time. Sliding back into bed where my husband, now wide awake with looked at me with wide eyes as I told him the line was definitely there. Him, laughing and smiling… just grinning. We just lay there looking at each other grinning. Is this bliss?
Bliss doesn’t last long when you’ve had 2 ectoptic pregnancies and a miscarriage. We know too much, have experienced too much maybe. My husband calls it being cautiously optimistic. It’s a feeling that invades because we need to protect ourselves from potentially being devastated again. Giddy happiness turns to fear that it could happen again… because it could happen again! and that is horribly unfair. I want to stay in bliss! I want to not know how important the HCG numbers collected over this next week will matter. I want to be unaware of the bad things that can go wrong. I want to enjoy this!
Tomorrow I will go to my RE’s office and have my beta drawn. Those numbers by themselves won’t mean much, but when they compare them to the numbers that will be collected on Wednesday and then on Friday, they will hold much meaning. Each of my past pregnancies was found to be amiss because of these early numbers not doubling every 48 hours as they should. It’s like, we’ve passed this first hurdle – IVF worked and I am pregnant! Now, we just pray that all is healthy and well enough for me to stay that way.
found you through wordpress.com’s tag surfer feature & i just wanted to say CONGRATS
you are pregnant *right now* which means you should enjoy it *right now* … i know how scary it is to let go of that… feeling of fear… but try, try, try, because that baby is in there for now. congrats, congrats, a million congrats! (we got our positive a week ago)!